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2006-08-24 - 9:25 p.m. Sorry about the terrible lack of updatery. I've just been obscenely tired since I got back from Saskatoon. Last night I fell asleep around 8:00. I just had the most brilliant thing happen on gmail. I recently set up a new gmail account in my real name and I went and looked at it and it had been receiving spam already. I don't even know how that's possible, but anyway the brilliant part was that when I clicked on the spam folder to see what was there a link for a recipe for "Spam Skillet Surprise" (or some such thing) appeared at the top. Targeted advertising makes me giggle. Especially for spam, spam, spam! It's starting to feel autumnish. My vehicle is fogged in the morning and I need a sweater to walk to work; the evenings are crisp and the light's gone by 9:00. I love fall: it's my favorite season, but I'm not sure I'm done with summer yet. I think I should have lain on more beaches for longer this summer. I've canceled my two weeks of holidays in September. No one even tried to talk me out of it. No one encouraged me to take them. No one said they could do without me. Funny how I don't feel special being so necessary. I'm a little choked about it. September is my favorite month and I adore taking holidays then. And if I don't take them then, I don't really see the point of taking them before next spring or summer. So now (if I stay in this job) I'm looking at a long, long slog through until I do get some time off. But when I booked them off I just had no idea the craziness that was in store for me in September (and October and probably November too). Half of me is enjoying what I'm doing - did I tell you? All I'm doing is overseeing the arranging of the surveying of almost 400 private colleges across Canada by our staff over six weeks and involving around 20,000 surveys altogether. It's nothing really. Just booking all those schools, arranging all those itineraries, booking all the flights, hotels, and cars, sending out the surveys to the right places at the right times, and making absolutely sure that we know ex-act-ly where every survey belongs, because each one has to link back to the institution and the student who filled it out. Oh, and I'll have some itsy-bitsy responsibility to make sure all that data is entered properly, in a timely fashion. It's enough to make a person hyperventilate just thinking about it. And that's what I do when I'm not enjoying it - I'm panicking. I've tried to actually do some of the calling for this project. I tried for 3 days and managed to make 2 calls. Then today, I gave up. I spend my time checking in with the people who are calling and figuring out itineraries and thinking about the logistical organization required. Supervision can make a person feel guilty about what you are not doing, i.e. the direct work. But I try not to be one of those people who thinks management and supervision is something you throw on as an extra to a real job - that's just bad management. Okay, enough of work, but now you know why I'm so tired. A friend was helping me with my resume last night and as soon as I incorporate her suggestions I'm going to really start looking for work. Though I like the work and I think I'm learning a lot, the people at this place are making me nuts. I continually say to myself, "you just can't stay here - you have to walk away."
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