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2006-10-10 - 8:20 p.m. I just don't even know what to do about work. I'm just stretched so thin that it is not even that I'm going to snap, there will just be a sudden jagged ripping and then just frayed edges blowing in the breeze where I used to be. This time last year there were 4 research assistants - not just me. I just can't be the only research assistant and the admin. assistant (who hasn't been replaced yet) and a project manager. What I'm trying to do is impossible to do in a day. So knowing that, why do I feel so guilty when I don't manage to accomplish it? And then when I'm forced to offload one of my project's monthly reporting onto someone else, he hates it and grumbles and grouches and says it's stupid and I have to sit beside him and hold his hand and explain how to do it while he complains that he didn't go to university for 10 years for this. And he's upset that he's not getting out for his smoke and he's not getting to play on the internet. And I'm so tired of it all that I offer to stay late again and do it. And then when I do stay late there are so many other things I have to do that I don't get to it anyway. So I have to give it back to him tomorrow - undone - and listen to more grouching and if I'm very lucky the reporting that should have been done a week ago might get finished tomorrow. And all I really want is just for a few minutes to feel like I've accomplished even one thing or that I'm getting on top of things even a little bit or that I've managed to stomp out one fire that isn't going to blaze up again when I least expect it. I'd just like a few minutes to do something without being interrupted. I would just like the phone to stop with its incessant ringing every two minutes or for someone else to be able to answer it. I'd just like the spoilt brat in the office next to me to stop yelling at me to come into her office - or even just to stop yelling. They've thrown some money at me. It's funny how it really is a worthless gesture. I'm happy to have it, but I want my life back more. I want to get out of there but how can I find the time? I have so many things of my own to do and I just don't have time or more importantly the energy when I finally do manage to drag my weary bones home. Will someone write my resume for me, because I just can't seem to? I don't know whether to scream or cry or throw up. On a brighter note I made some excellent borscht and it was waiting for me when I got home.
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