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2007-03-11 - 9:41 p.m. I'm practicing doing the right thing these days. It is both a harder and an easier way of being in the world. Sometimes it is hard to know what the right thing to do is, but after you figure it out it is easier to do that thing - even when it is a hard thing. It's because you're not conflicted anymore. It might be hard, but at least you're not torn and dithering anymore. I'm making it sound all mysterious, like I've performed some large, hard task. I haven't. Though so far, I have to say, I'm finding the "right thing" to mostly be things that put me out. I went to work yesterday, because it was really the only thing to do. So what if my boss doesn't care enough about her own project to put herself out to get it done. Her caring or lack thereof shouldn't really affect how I do my job. I spent a lot of money and time to buy cards and gift certificates for the people who have helped me the most on this project. That was hard. Some people worked harder and were more of a help. Those people are friends with the unhelpful, obstructionistic ones. I either reward equally and generously or not at all. Equally and generously is much harder on my bank account. Luckily March is a three paycheque month. And lastly, I have someone who wants to be friends with me when I don't want to. It's a lovely choice. Either I can see her and feel hypocritical (and bored and annoyed) or I can not see her and feel mean. I have decided that the right thing is to not see her so she can't continue thinking we are best buds. I'm using Miss Manners' method of getting rid of an unwelcome boyfriend - being non-responsive and busy until they get the hint. Though Miss Manners praises this as the least painful way of severing a connection, she doesn't mention how abominably hard it is on the giving end of it. It is very hard to stick it out until they get the hint. One day off a week isn't nearly enough.
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