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2007-04-10 - 8:23 p.m. I cannot believe how much it snowed today. It just flooded down from the sky non-stop. If it hadn't been melting as it hit the ground we'd be up to our shins in it. We've had prettier snow this spring than in the whole previous winter - but, really, it can stop now, already. I almost posted last night about how tired and stressed I was and how I didn't think I could go back to work. About how I just couldn't stand it. All day and all night I tried to come up with a reasonable excuse not to go. But I just couldn't. I can't lie and say I'm sick when I'm not. I can barely stay home sick when I am. I really don't know where I got this ridiculous work ethic from and why it only kicks in for other people's work. Anyway, at some point in the night I had a dream where someone was taking care of me. It wasn't a big dream just someone tucking some blankets around me so I'd be warm and just generally soothing me. Then I woke up at 5:10 and I was alert and happy. I tried not to be. I'd convinced myself that I had to get out of work and even though I knew I was going I still tried to come up with an excuse not to. After all, I could feel good and stay home. But it was hopeless. I've tried to jolly myself out of bad moods before without much success, but I've never before tried not to feel good. It was equally as pointless. Finally, as I was walking through the lovely snowy woods I abandoned myself to feeling good - I mean, how silly! And my mood carried me though a day that was pretty close to being as bad as I'd anticipated. By the afternoon I had a sick, splitting headache and then I had to stay late and tomorrow promises more trouble. I had a nice Easter visit to the family, but how stressed and rushed yesterday was has convinced me that I need a real holiday. I need to book a week off and not go anywhere and not do anything. I need a real rest.
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